Shine A Little Light

I've just been reading my post from approximately the same time last year. This year it's a slightly sadder and more difficult affair to see the dawn of a new year (which has been tradition for most of this millenium, which I was able to reintergrate back into my life last year!) There is no Rage this year and certainly no Chaser programming it. Instead there was Moulin Rouge - which would have been great had I not watched it as my birthday movie two weeks ago and Can't Stop the Music (The Village People movie). Now having moved into the third hour of the new year there is only the those terrible adds that run for half an hour to sell you miracle skin care, cosmetics, kitchen appliances etc. So it's just me, the glass of frangelico with the rapidly melting ice, the clatter of the fan and the quiet chorus of cicadas floating through my window.

On the way to Annie and Adrian's tonight, Dave and I were discussing how New Years changes as you get older. I guess what we were angling at was that the meaning put on New Years changes as we get older. Personally I was never a great fan of New Years Eve. It always just seemed to be full of pissed wankers making my life difficult or just a really dismal evening. Too much expectation and not enough in return. Dave had different ideas based on his own experiences.

Reflecting back I remembered the New Years Eve (when I was 20 I'm reckoning) where I decided it would be a great idea to ask the guy from the bank out for New Years drinks. As it turned out he was deathly boring and I spent all night stuck next to him trying to strike up a conversation, trying to get someone else to strike up a conversation with him and/or wishing that I was , dancing like a wild chick and not giving a damn about babysitting someone with the personality of a rock! Sadly after this encounter I had to go to a different branch to avoid him.

Then there was the New Years Eve the year before that when I was released from hospital after having micro surgery on my eye, having had my best friend bunk off with one boyfriend and the one that came after that bunking off with his best mates sister - so I was all alone, with an eye that had been carved up, unable to drink alcohol, nursing a broken heart and post surgery woes. From memory, through my one good eye I watched one of the Alien movies and something with Sean Connery in it (Medicine Man?)

We wont mention my first new years eve legally allowed to drink(it's like the war in Fawlty Towers but you dont get away with it just the once!) ... if my Mum or my sister are reading this - they'll remember it and I'm sure put their 2 cents worth in through the comment box. Let's just say it had lots to do with Mississipi Moonshine and Brian's Adams, and not a lot to do with anything else.

Fast forward a few more years, to 1999 and I made the new years resolution that I would not be with my partner of the time the following new years eve (and I wasn't - just so you know that I do keep my resolutions when I make them - just like giving up beer and MacDonalds at various other times through out my checkered life) We were in Port Fairy which had pretty strict public alcohol rules. Through the drunken reverie I heard my name called out, turned to see a copper. I immediately hid the bourbon and coke behind my back, thinking I was about to be done for having alcohol in the mainstreet. On closer inspection the copper turned out to be an old friend I hadn't seen in years. The strangest places you meet people!

It wasn't until I met my soul sister Karen that New Years looked up. We spent the first NYE of our friend at a Rave that basically consisted of the two of us, the DJs and some security hosted at the Table Tennis Association! It poured rain and in between the dancing I was on the phone to America to a guy I'd been chatting to on the internet. At dawn we went down to the esplanade to see the sun come up - which was a little pointless. It was so heavily overcast we had to guess when the sun was up. It was the first of three years in a row when I fell asleep in the bath, with the shower running overhead at Karen's place.

The following year it was Karen, Lisa and I - and my Audrey Hepburn retro Rave dress. I'd returned out of the blue two weeks earlier from NSW and the three of us were set to party! We danced for five hours (in my high heel boots - it took days for my feet to recover) fueled by bottles of V, nectarines from Rusty's market and chocolate. Just before dawn he headed down to the Esplanade to see the sun come up - blessed by clearish skies and I watched my (then) pilot boyfriend fly out over the inlet for PNG. We had lots of photos taken in our sunnies and rave clothes and then it was back to Karen's to fall asleep in the shower.

The last NYE Karen and I had together it was with our men in tow - Lisa had gone overseas to England. We caught the fire works and then headed into Orchid Valley to a rainforest rave. There was a moment where a guy was sitting in the middle of the rainforest stream, legs crossed mediatating - looking as though he was levitating on the water. Karen came up with the brilliant idea that we should go to Bramston Beach to watch the sun come up (the kookaburras have just started up here - it's currently 3:47am) So into the car we piled - none of having drunk anything other than some V and water .. and off for a 45 minute drive. It was amazing watching the sun come up over the water - the beach all to ourselves. The photos taken that morning are some of my most treasured photos. I wont bother to put in the bit about bumping wallabies on the way into Bramston Beach.

Since then NYE hasn't been the same. It never seems like a party without Karen.

At Annie's tonight we sat around the table contemplating what 2009 held for us and what we wanted to snatch from it - the books we wanted to read, the things we wanted to learn, the things we wanted to give back .... but more of that tomorrow.

As always I feel like I'm now in limbo land between the 'Western' new year and the 'Eastern' new year. For the next 25 days until the Chinese New Year begins I'm going to do some cleaning up and laying down of some groundwork for (at least) one writing project that's been long over due. Time to contemplate the year of authenticity that is passing and the year of action that is coming into the fore. But there will be some biting of the bullet occuring when I wake up and as far as my body and my mind are concerned the new year begins. But until then -

To pass the time until the sun comes up and I can take my celebratory swin ... I think I'll go and lay out my tarot cards and see what awaits me in 2009?

PS: I'm bringing the Audrey Hepburn retro rave dress out of moth balls for NYE 2009/10 and you can hold me to that one!

Original Image (c) Karen van Harskamp 2002, additional graphics Jodi Cleghorn 2008

It's that time of the week again when it's time to pause, ponder and give thanks for the week that was.

As a week that enveloped the festive celebrations of Christmas and flare ups in violence in the Gaza Strip there is a lot to be thankful for.

1. I am grateful that I live in a house, a suburb, a city, a state and a country that is safe - where I do not have to live in constant fear of bombings, military/militia attacks, gun battles, to worry for the safety of myself, my family or friends ....

2. I am grateful that Christmas was a wonderful family event that flowed on into Boxing Day and the days after.

3. I am grateful that I got to meet my niece Kira for the first time and hope to be able to forge a close bond with her over the coming years.

4. I am grateful (for once) that my mental processes for 'come back lines' is slow and I therefore avoided a potential argument/disruption to the family festivities on Christmas Day when my Grandmother baited me for the second time on Christmas Day. And then to have let it go so I could enjoy, instead of simmer, for the rest of the day.

5. I am grateful that I am able to recognise within myself that I am wrong sometimes, that I am an imperfect person at best and that I can shoulder the burden of my trajectories in life for what they are.

6. I am grateful for the fact that my family, both nuclear and extended, accepts me for what I am and who I am, even when I can't accept myself.

7. I am grateful to my Mum for shouting us three lovely nights in a rather swank holiday apartment at Coco Mooloolaba over the Christmas period.

8. I am grateful for the airconditioning engine that seized in our holiday apartment the first night that we were there which has given us the opportunity to go back there for another three nights some time in the near future. And also grateful to Peter at Coco for his efforts to ensure we were comfortable during the balmy days and nights.

9. I am grateful for the wonderful hospitality ofBrigitte and Peter at Lydon Lodge in Maleny where we stayed in the lead up to Christmas and especially for the shine they both took to Mr D. Also for the other guests who were so open and friendly to offers of rum balls and other delights on Christmas Eve and slightly loud boisterous excitement on Christmas morning.

10. I am grateful to have spent time over the Christmas break with all my family - including my now adult cousin who I haven't seen, much less spoken to, since he was a little kid no bigger than Mr D.

11. I am grateful for the calm of the mountains and the soothing essence of the sea.

12. I am grateful to be a wild and impetuous writer who has visitations from her characters at all bizarre moments of the day and night.

13. I am grateful to have a son who hugs and kisses me - who writes "I love Mum" on the fogged up shower panel.

14. I am grateful (though rather sad) that Mr D's hair is gone. No more arguments about hair washing/brushing/combing which have ensued over the past two and a half years.

Three Things is an project of Oxfam's centred on sharing thoughts and ideas on what makes our world tick and how we can make it better. Three Things has listed the following questions on their Facebook Page under the company overview:

Three Things that make you smile...
1. my son – especially when he’s smiling or singing silly songs.
2. watching Adam Hills or David Tennant
3. talking about Captain Juan and his future adventures

Three things you do each day...
1. wake up
2. wish I had more time
3. read

Three Things that frustrate you...
1. Writers block or not having the time to write when beset with the writers urge
2. Being interrupted when I’m trying to work
3. Ants

Three Things you can do to help a stranger...
1. smile
2. if they’re a Mum with a difficult child reassure them that we all have days like this and they’re doing the toughest job on the planet (someone once did this for me on a particularly bad trip to the supermarket)
3. offer directions if they ask for help

Three Things you'd like to change...
1. The general population’s attitude towards birthing
2. The general population’s attitude towards mothering
3. The Government’s commitment to reducing green house emissions

Now I ask three friends to share their free things ... so Annie, Paul and Dan - what are your three things?

In this pre-Christmas funk – caught somewhere between packing and wrapping to go away on holiday and the excitement of actually being away, I'm stopping to pause and reflect on the week that was.

Giving thanks and gratitude is one of the most soul warming things we can do in life.

1. I am grateful for the school holidays and for the chance to reconnect with Mr D. I thought it would be awful with no down time, but to date it hasn’t been. You are welcome to quote me on this around week 6 of the holiday period.

2. I am grateful for having a child and having permission to do lots of things that are considered unseemly for adults to be seen doing.

3. I am grateful for having a pool – this summer is far hotter than the last and with Mr D swimming independently now it’s the place to while away the hours.

4. I am grateful for the live violin music that is filtering in through my bedroom window from somewhere further down the street. (My partner is pointing out that earlier it was recorder and it was bloody awful .. I’ve obviously picked the right time of day to be writing in the bedroom)

5. I am grateful that tomorrow I will be on holidays.

6. I am grateful that rum balls are so easy to make and so yummy to eat.

7. I am grateful that I have a thick skin and that I was able to take the rejection of my short story in my stride and see it as a positive rather than a negative. See below for more details.

8. I am grateful for the opportunity to have critiqued one of Paul’s short stories and on the back of that to have had a wonderful conversation with him via Skype. A bit of a weird moment where the ‘podcast voice’ was actually talking back to me, rather than at me.

9. I am grateful that when I go to bed tonight all the presents will be wrapped, all the clothes will be packed and in the morning we will simply get up and leave (that’s what I am putting out to the Universe) for Maleny.

10. I am grateful to be another year older and wiser, and to still be without a grey hair (I've probably gone and done it now!)

11. I am grateful to the Universe for heeding my wishes (even if I was ignoring them) and giving me the chance to have the low key, quiet birthday that I actually wanted. But grateful also for Facebook that allowed me to receive more birthday wishes that I have had in years, from friends I definitely haven’t seen in years.

12. I am grateful for having breastfeed Mr D for three years. He had chicken pox last week and other than a few skin lesions and being a little more emotionally sensitive, didn’t miss and beat.

13. I am grateful for Mr D’s singing ability and his choice of songs. Today it’s his own composition “Rock n Roll Space Monkey” and an awesome rendition of “last Christmas’ by Wham that he picked up from me.

14. I am grateful that I am looking forward to an extended family Christmas with much excitement and anticipation, and the relief that brings.

Have a very Merry Christmas and I’ll be back around the 29th December with new tales to tell and pictures to share from a very Cleghorn Christmas on the Sunshine Coast. Until then I will try my best to have a couple of scheduled posts to tie you over.

I’ve also published my story ‘Deck the Balls’ in two parts on my other blog.

You can find Give me the Grateful Life at Merlot's Mum, where the original idea comes from.

I always forget these joyous snippets compliments of Mr D ... so here is one from a few days ago. We were watching Bear in the Big Blue house and preparing to celebrate my birthday. The conversation went something like this ...

Mr D: Mum why doesn't Bear in the Big Blue house have a penis?
Me: (busy doing other stuff I misheard what he said and replied) That's not Bear's penis, it's his tail love.
Mr D: NO! I know that's his tail. Why doesn't he have a penis?
Mum: (a moment of quiet contemplation on my part) Because sweetheart if he had a penis he wouldn't be allowed on kid's TV, that's why.
Mr D: How does he pee then?
Mum: (another moment of quiet contemplation) Is Bear in the Big Blue House real sweetheart?
Mr D: (giggling) of course not. He's pretend.
Mum: OK - well if Bear in the Big Blue House needed to pee, the man would just climb out of the costume and go to the toilet.

Mr D nods and goes back to watching Bear in the Big Blue house and the moment has passed. I found out that afternoon that Bear does have a DVD about potty training. I'm sure that must be interesting for a Bear emasculated of the necessary pipework :) And to think that Humphrey Bear has been controversial for years for the fact that he has never worn pants - just that tartan vest and tie. I understand now ... the lack of pants is controversial because of all the thought provoking comments made by small children who have realised over the years that Australia's most loved Bear is missing what nature intended ... and all those poor Mum's scrambling to explain why that is so.

Today was my birthday. I'm not shy - I turned 35 this year. Unlike other years I hankered after a low key event. It seemed to be more in keeping with what my year has been like. A chrysalis year. I wanted to keep it simple but all my friends were asking what I intended to do for my birthday - so I felt somewhat compelled to have my big birthday bash with the yearly bad movie (this year it was the 'good' Moulin Rouge')

This is where I love how the Universe steps in to create what I wanted in the first place. Mr D broke out with Chicken Pox on Sunday, so it was down to just Annie and I, and a tribe of kids. So beware what you secretly desire because the Universe is always listening.

Today, somehow we got onto the topic of Hector the Cat. He was the big road safety icon in Victoria in the '70s (but possibly across at least all of Australia and the UK). I couldn't help myself and went searching for a clip on the internet. And in my travels I came across this - which seemed to be a perfect way to celebrate my 35 years on this planet ... with a bit of humour. The ones with the smiley face after them are ones that I remember.

From the BBC's H2G2 site -
You're almost certainly a child of the 1970s if any of these make sense to you:

* You remember the theme tune from The Muppets :o) and I can still sing it

* Summers were long and hot. :o) and you could play on the slip and slide

* Basketball was only played by Americans my Dad said he broke fingers playing it at high school so not so sure about this one.

* Doctor Who scared you silly :o) and still does - though everyone knows my position on David Tennant

* You remember the first space invaders :o) rock on Atari

* You remember real water restrictions - there's something worse than Level 6 water restrictions???

* You queued up to see The Village People movie - too young!

* You went to a drive-in with your parents... in your pyjamas :o) I remember seeing King Kong

* You didn't want the hairdresser to cut above your ears until late high school.

* Fags were called fags and nobody batted an eyelid when eight year olds walked down the street with a lolly cigarette hanging out their mouth :o) I still remember the taste of these things and how cool we thought we looked with them hanging out our gobs.

* You got tough summer feet every summer without trying :o)

* You remember when electric typewriters came in :o)

* You remember when calculators were introduced at school :o)

* You remember the fuss made about gays in San Fransisco.

* You drank flavoured milk - I didn't but everyone else did

* You collected plastic toys out of cornflakes packets :o) Elephants if I remember correctly were my favourite and were always inappropriately coloured.

* You desperately, desperately wanted one of those cool six wheeled buggies that the Banana Splits drove :o) and I still love the song from the Banana Splits

* Stubbing your toe whilst running across the road in summer barefoot, trying not to burn your feet raw was an annual experience :o)

* Matchbox cars or Barbies were essential to your development :o) I had both - well rounded .. and I also had Charlie's Angels dolls until my sister pulled the head off them all.

* You had cardboard dolls (or your sisters did) that came with books of paper clothes that you tore out and stuck on the doll :o)

* Kids read children's magazines that had cartoons without fighting and guns in them :o)

* The kid with the pool was your best friend :o) has anything changed?

* The only place you could get a pizza was Pizza Hut - and it was expensive :o) It was still a BIG THING in high school to go to Pizza Hut - remember Rachael Hussy's birthday party there in Year 8? Though in the 70's we DID have an awesome Italian pizza shop in Warrandyte.

* You played dress-ups in your parents' funky clothes that you would kill to get your hands on now :o) we were literally just talking about this yesterday.

* You had a terry towelling hat that had yellow plastic sunglasses built into the brim that came down over your face - this sounds like something Elton John is to blame for??

* You, or a female relative, had a see through umbrella that came down over the shoulders so you had to look through the plastic. They were totally useless in windy conditions, though very hard to turn inside out.

*
You weren't wearing flannelette because it was cool :o) I still love flannelette PJs and sheets

And here are just a few items that might be specific to Australia...:

* You remember Hector the Road Safety Cat sing :

Look to the right, look to the left, and look to the right again, then if the road is clear of traffic. Walk straight across the road - don't run - walk straight across the road.


* 20c worth of mixed lollies could last you hours... and 50c, well only older kids could afford that much :o) 50c worth came in brown paper bags as opposed to the little white ones that 20c came in

* Icypoles were 5c and paddle pops were 20c :o)

* Sunnyboys and poppers (boxed drinks with straws attached) were your stable school diet :o)

* Fanta tasted like Fanta should. There was Tang and Tab. Tab, so right for beautiful people, and Leed lemonade :o) The Tab add had a negro lady which would be sooooo politically incorrect now!

* You wondered how the Coke girls and boys got inside that big clear beach ball.

* You wore a leather band around your wrist and believed that you had to sleep with any boy/girl that broke it - definitely too young for that one!

* Dunlop Volleys trainers were a viable option and Puma Romes were fashionable :o)

* You remember those plastic 'Peters' ice cream signs glowing at the top of the milkbar. And you collected the plastic popsticks that had holes in them so you could make things with them, and they came in lots of bright colours :o) Back in the days when everyone lived near a 'corner store' or 'milkbar'

* You watched Hey, Hey It's Saturday... before breakfast :o) again we were talking about this yesterday

* Leopard footprints on the soles of your school shoes were ace.

* You put chip packets in the oven to make shrinkies :o) and made our mother VERY mad trying to shrink twistie packets

* An essential part of your packed lunch in highschool was a Prima, unless you bought a frozen Sunny Boy :o) Razz the red ones were my favourite.

* You actually went through at least one pair of thongs a year because you wore them so much.

* There were swap cards in with the bread that was wrapped in wax paper.

* Ice cream came in tins made of metal, not plastic pots.

If you were a child of the 70's what do you remember?

And to end ... who do I share my birthday with. I thought I'd turn to Wiki to explore beyond the known ... and came up with some interesting ones:

Catherine of Aragon (First wife of Henry 8th)
Ludwig Beethoven
Jane Austen
Margaret Mead
Sir Arthur C Clarke (perhaps there's hope for my sci-fi writing after all!)
Phillip K Dick (perhaps there really is!)
Benny Andersson
Joel Garner
Georgie Parker (I still hate her singing on Play School even if we do share a birthday!)
Miranda Otto

For the past few months I have been getting Merlot Mum's blog posts via FeedBurner. I particularly look forward to her Monday post (which sadly arrives Tuesday for me because of time zone differences) What makes Monday so special. As each week kicks off Merlot Mum looks back on the week that was and reflects on the things that she's grateful for.

In our busy and challenging lives as Mums we can get so caught up in life that we forget and give thanks for what we have. In the spirit of Merlot Mum ... here is my first list of gratitudes (and hopefully not the last!)

1. I am grateful that my body is still young enough to cope with a night of Xmas frivolity - including lots of white wine, dancing and even a surreptious puff on a cigarette. I shall just forget the fact that it's taken two days to recover! I am also grateful for being reminded how much I love dancing and how wonderful the body can feel after some exercise.

2. I am grateful for the wonderful care that my son received at kindy this year that's allowed him to come into his own as a young fella - to have had his emotional and social wellbeing nurtured and encouraged. And for the fantastic folder that his kindy teacher and assistant put together, with many wonderful keeps sakes and loads of fantastic photos. I'm also grateful that he will be returning to kindy in 2009 along with three other friends from this year.

3. I'm grateful that we have a pool to escape from the heat from.

4. I'm grateful for the parking fairy who got us a park first up this morning on our trip to the shops for Santa photos.

5. I am grateful that Mr D climbed up onto Santa's knee without hestitation this year and shared a stunning smile with all. And also grateful that we didn't have to wait forever in line and that Annie paved the way with her kids and was so respectful of Dylan's need to suss out Santa (as I'd got caught up chatting to a friend from Kindy)

6. I am grateful for the fact that I don't need to invite thousands of friends and their tribes to my birthday to feel loved and appreciated. The fact that I love and appreciate myself is enough this year - all the rest will be icing on the cake.

7. I am grateful that I will be spending the Christmas period with my family and that we are all in a good space together at the moment.

8. I am grateful to my Mum for shouting us three nights in a beautiful apartment in Mooloolaba so that we can all be close together for a few evenings.

9. I am grateful for the fact that I don't give a toss how bad I look in my new black and white stripey bikinis and can just enjoy romping around the pool in them.

10. I am grateful for the fact that Rio Tinto have told my partner that he wont have a job after January so we now all know where we stand and can move on to find another job.

11. I am grateful to the Universe and Dave's considerable contacts for the fact that we wont end up in a precarious financial situation in 2009.

12. I am grateful for my beautiful friend Annie and her two fanastic kids. I don't tell them enough how important and special they are.

13. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to sit in circle with women over the weekend at a blessingway and to have been able to share in the wonders that such gatherings bring.

14. I am grateful for double brie cheese on sale ... I'd never get to enjoy it otherwise.

15. I am grateful for the breeze that is picking up - promising a cooler night than we've had recently.

16. I am grateful it is school holidays. I'll say it now because in two weeks time I may not be in such a good place with it

What are you grateful for this week?

Image found at Powerful Intentions

I’ve been on all year about simple pleasures and luxuries. While we were away in New South Wales I indulged in one of my long forgotten favourites.

A tomato sandwich.

When I was a kid my parents always grew tomatoes. No matter where we were there were always a couple of tomato bushes. When we lived in Cairns they were fertilised with the slops from the bottom of my Dad’s home brew (and incidentally were the best tomatoes that I’ve EVER tasted!) As a primary school kid, in summer there was always a tomato in my lunch box, despite the fact that my friends thought it bizarre to eat a tomato as though it were an apple. I loved them too much to give in to peer pressure and ask Mum to leave them out of my lunch box.

Having my parent’s home grown tomatoes on soft white bread, with the tiniest shake of black pepper … it was one of the best things in the world and an easy weekend lunch. Everyone knows, you can only truly enjoy a tomato sandwich fresh – before the sweet juices turn the bread back to dough.

While my cherry tomatoes this year are more like weeds (they have taken over part of the backyard) … I haven’t perfected their bigger sisters. I think I need to get some good organic stock. Or perhaps Dave needs to start brewing his own beer!

So this summer – I will be treating myself to the effortless pleasure of a tomato sandwhich on fresh chunky bread more often. Who knows – maybe I’ll even fire up the bread maker and start making my own bread again?

If a sandwich can be considered a simple luxury – how do you indulge?

"I am profoundly imbued with a sense of awakening because of your veil lifting. I was lost, but now I am found..." From Lost in Space

It's the end of an era.

Pluto moved into Capricorn today. Then end of a 12 year period. For me it's meant a very intense period where Pluto transitted my sun. I'm really glad for a new start. And with this new start I have decided to divide my blog - my fiction writing and non fiction articles will remain at Jodi Cleghorn ... and my personal musings are finding a new home here.

I will be back in a week after a trip to New South Wales to celebrate some belated birthdays and catch up with family we haven't seen for a long time. I'm sure there will be much to share when I get back.

.... And of course when the first electric bulb was on, he was dazed, mystified. He was sitting there looking at it. Half the night passed, and more and more hours started slipping by. And his wife came and she said, "Have you gone mad or something? What are you doing here looking at that stupid light? Go to sleep!"